Celebrate Recovery Blog

I got a question by email yesterday that I thought was so great I thought I'd answer it here. Here's Mike's question:

In your talk (Journey through the Leaders Guide workshop at the Summit), you mentioned that you really "love the small group guidelines". I could see your enthusiasm. Would you mind sharing "the why" you love them? I'd like to hear more.

I'd like to tell you more. You're right, Mike, I do love the guidelines. I can tell you why in one word, safe. The group guidelines are essential for keeping CR groups safe. In fact the two best ways I know to ensure that groups will be safe are, to keep them gender based and to enforce the guidelines.

The guidelines are simple, and they're effective. Once everyone becomes accustomed to them they'll not only keep the group safe, but they'll enhance the sharing.

Wait? What? The group guidelines enhance the sharing?

Yes. I'm sure you've either been told or have thought it yourself that the guidelines will stop people from sharing, but it isn't true. Admittedly, they may take some getting used to, but once someone gets taught how to share using the guidelines, they realize that they are now safe to share without, fear of getting interrupted, judged or fixed. Not only that, but if they want to share something and then never speak of it again, they are free to do that. 

But the guidelines don't just enhance the sharing by helping the one sharing, they also teach us how to listen. How many times have you felt like the person you were talking to was just waiting for you to breathe so they could speak? Well, because of the guidelines, when we are in a group that doesn't allow fixing or cross talk, all we are left to do is, listen. We don't have to worry about giving good advice, because the guidelines keep us from trying to fix. We don't have to answer questions, because the guidelines keep us from cross talk.  

So, the guidelines keep our groups safe, enhance the sharing and make us better listeners. Not bad for five simple guidelines. That's why I love the guidelines, how about you?

Johnny